Think It Through
by SilverMidnight52
Summary: After months of dating Kimball learns a fact about Patrick that has him leaving instead of facing it. Now Patrick is back in his life and he has nowhere else to run. Warnings inside.
1. Chapter 1

It's that time again! A new Red John!Patrick x Kimball story is being posted! We got some angst, we go some hurt/comfort, we got some love, and, of course, we got so sex. This is chapter one of two and I hope you all enjoy it!

TUMBLR INFO: I've had to change my Tumblr account because I got muted. I'm not all that surprised to be fair. Anyway, the name is now SILVERMIDNIGHTWRITE.

If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook 'SilverMidnight52' or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

* * *

Slamming his back against he wall Kimball covered his mouth with his hand hoping to stop any and all noise that came from him. If he thought he had to be quiet while he was following his lover than he had to be almost ghostlike now.

The only problem with that was the fact that he couldn't tell if he was being loud anymore. Was his heart truly beating so loudly that it could pound out of his chest? Was his breaths truly coming out in pants loud enough to wake the dead?

For the first time in his life he felt as if he was truly terrified of something. That had never happened to him before. From when he was in a gang to when he was on the battlefield in the middle of an actual war; he was never so scared he didn't know what to do.

All of that had changed because of something that he had seen before!

Well, sort of. The act was something that he had seen before and, though he hated to admit it, it was something he had even done before. He had no delusions that he was a 'good' person that could judge other people for their sins.

No, the act didn't get to him itself. What did was the person that was doing it. When he had left the house to follow his lover he hadn't known what to expect; he didn't even know why he had felt the need to follow him.

All he knew was that there was a pulling in his heart every time he saw the older man leave their home. Given the fact that he had just moved in with the man and his daughter it shouldn't have been that big of a deal.

He had work to do and so did Kimball. Leaving the house was something that all of them did. Sometimes it was different; off. He couldn't really explain it to himself, but he also knew that he couldn't just ignore it either.

At the beginning it felt wrong to even think of following the other man around. Kimball knew all too well what it was like to have people assume that you did something wrong and just lay-in-waiting for you to mess up.

That was the last thing that he ever wanted to make someone feel. At the same time though he couldn't let himself sit back and get hurt because he was afraid to do something. That wasn't who he was at all.

Now he wished he had. Normally the idea of being willfully ignorant of anything drove him to act out. It was different this time though. If he had than he wouldn't feel as if his heart was shattering. How could he have been so damn blind to it all?

A pain filled screamed echoed from inside the building followed closely by low, dark laughter. It was a twisted sound so very different than what he had fallen in love with months ago. All Kimball wanted to do was throw up at the very thought of the feelings he had for the other man.

No, that wasn't right. While he had to admit that he was scared of the man in the house he wasn't scared of what he felt for him. He had come to far in learning who he was to ever be afraid of what he felt.

What truly scared him was how he hadn't seen it. He had worked his ass off to make sure that no one was able to convince him they were something they weren't. It didn't lead to a lot of friends, but he knew where he stood.

That was something that was important to him. In his mind the man was one of the kindest, most intelligent people he had ever met. His heart was always in the right place and he truly seemed to have a love of life.

Of course, that was dampened by everything that had happened in his past, but he never let it stop him from being the best person that he could be for his daughter. Kimball had always admired that in other people.

It was odd for him, but as soon as the blue eyes had locked with his he had felt a pull unlike anything he had felt before. He didn't believe in 'love at first sight'. In that moment though he knew that having the other in his life would only make it better.

At least he had thought that. Now he wasn't sure. He had truly thought that the man had been everything that he had never known he needed in his life. Falling in love with him had been so seamless it was shocking.

Now he wasn't completely sure if that had been part of some plan or if it was real. The whole thing gave him a headache and he wasn't digging very deep in it. He knew that there was a lot of things that he wasn't thinking about. Things that could somehow make all of it worse.

Shaking his head quickly Kimball made his way from the building needing to get away from what he had seen. The images of the man he loved covered in blood looking completely at ease would never leave him.

That was the worst part of it all. There was no chance that it was even close the first time that he had been in that position. No, he moved with such perfect lethality that he had to have been practiced at it.

How many people had the man killed before this? How many times had he gotten away with it? How long would it be before he did something stupid that got him caught and locked away without a look back?

As he slowly walked to the house he was sharing with his lover Kimball found himself thinking about everything that he had seen. That was the type of scene that he had only ever seen in crime shows before.

Okay, so he had made a few of those scenes himself when he was younger, but nothing to that degree. He put a bullet in someone and left before anyone was the wiser. There was no finesse in what he used to do.

What he had seen was calculated to the point that he had to have been thinking about it for weeks. That could easily mean that all the times the blond was quiet and Kimball asked him what he was thinking that his mind was on killing someone.

God how he always wanted to know what was going on in that mans mind. He was always thinking about something or another and there was no doubt that he was intelligent. He had just wanted to peek behind the curtain.

Now that he had seen behind the wall that the other man kept around himself… He had just thought that he was holding back because of what happened with his wife and Red John. He never would have been able to guess that he was...

Hearing the man he loved say that he was Red John was like being sucker punched in the gut. Mostly because it meant one of two things. Either Patrick had gone completely insane after his wife's murder or he really was Red John and he had been the one to kill not just his wife but so many others. Kimball wasn't actually sure which was worse.

His mind was moving in so many different directions that he forgot to be quiet when he got back to the house. Almost slamming the door shut behind him he fell onto the couch and stared unblinkingly at the wall in front of him.

"Kimball?" a soft, tired voice questioned from the hallway.

Turning his head around he found himself staring at Charlotte. She looked so lost and sleepy that he couldn't help but fell his heart breaking. He loved the little girl with all of his heart. Having her in his life was one of the things that he adored. She was a light that he hadn't even realized he was missing.

"Kimball?" Charlotte tried again an air of fear filling her voice, "Are you okay? Is Daddy okay?"

"I..." he tried his voice breaking painfully.

Before he could say anything else a pair of small arms wrapped around him so tightly it actually hurt but he couldn't bring himself to pull away. Instead he rested his head on top of the girls taking a deep breath to try to get a hold of himself. He was supposed to be the adult she shouldn't be trying to comfort him.

"Don't worry, Kimball," Charlotte attempted to soothe, "Daddy will be home soon. He'll make you feel better."

Hearing the girl so calmly talk about her father reminded him just how much she looked up to him. She loved him more than anything and he knew that Patrick would do anything if it meant keeping her safe and happy.

That had actually been one of the things that made it so easy to fall in love with Patrick when they got together in the first place. Seeing the man dote on the girl was a sight that never failed to warm his heart.

For the first time since he had seen the other man killing someone so brutally Kimball let himself remember the man he had fallen for. Patrick was a sweet, loving father. The last thing he would have thought the man was capable of was murder. Yet he knew what he saw.

It didn't make any sense to him that the man could be both a wonderful father and a cold-blooded killer. What was worse was the fact that Kimball had no idea what he was supposed to do. It should have been easy. Patrick was a killer he had to be stopped before someone else died.

Yet with Charlotte in his arms he felt as if he couldn't do it. The idea of taking Patrick away from his daughter felt wrong. He couldn't do that to either of them. It was stupid and selfish of him, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't be the one that broke up their family.

Even as he thought that though he knew that things couldn't be the same as they were before. He knew that as soon as the other man got home he'd have to be able to face him and keep going and he wouldn't be able to.

Despite everything that he had done in the gang life and in the Army he had been taught right from wrong. He wouldn't be able to sit back and keep going as if he wasn't questioning whether or not Patrick was planning another death.

It also couldn't matter that he loved both Patrick and Charlotte with all of his heart. He had to make a choice for them all. As much as he wanted to stay with them he knew that he couldn't with the knowledge that he now had.

"You know I love you, Charlotte," Kimball offered pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"I love you too," the little girl replied pulling back to give him a bright smile, "Do you feel better now? Did that help?"

"It always helps but I have to do something that you're not going to like."

"What?"

"I have to leave."

Charlotte's eyes went wide as tears filled them. Kimball wanted nothing more than to take back what he had said but he couldn't. As much as it hurt to say it he knew that it would be all the worse if he stayed. The last thing he could do was cause any more pain to her if he could stop it.

"What?" Charlotte questioned her voice breaking, "Why? Did I do something wrong?"

"No," Kimball said firmly staring into her eyes, "Never think that I'm leave because of you. I love you, Charlotte. I wish I could stay, but I can't."

"Did Daddy do something wrong?"

Kimball forced himself to keep a straight face at that. Charlotte was like her father. If he let it show that he was leaving because of Patrick than she'd know. He was doing his best to make sure she never knew the truth.

"It's no ones fault," Kimball sighed shaking his head, "I know this is hard to believe, but you and your father aren't why I need to leave. I have some questions I need answered and I have to leave to find those answers. It wouldn't be fair to either of you if I stayed."

"We could help!" Charlotte exclaimed tears finally falling.

"I wish it was that simple, but I have to do this on my own."

"But… I don't want you to leave!"

"I don't want to leave either, but I have to."

"When will you come back?"

"I don't know, but never think that means that I don't love you. I will always love you, Charlotte. With all of my heart."

"I love you too, Kimball. All of my heart."


	2. Chapter 2

It's that time again! A new Red John!Patrick x Kimball story is being posted! We got some angst, we go some hurt/comfort, we got some love, and, of course, we got so sex. This is chapter two of three (yeah I added another chapter wanna fight about it?) and I hope you all enjoy it!

TUMBLR INFO: I've had to change my Tumblr account because I got muted. I'm not all that surprised to be fair. Anyway, the name is now SILVERMIDNIGHTWRITE.

If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook 'SilverMidnight52' or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

* * *

Humming the tune his daughter had been playing before he left Patrick took a sip of his tea waiting for the right time to step in and begin his time with the CBI. It was a wonderful day to start a little game of cat and mouse with the police.

It had been awhile since he had really done anything with Red John. At least anything grand. Sure he still ran the day to day operations, but those got so boring and tedious after awhile that he wasn't sure they were worth it in the end.

Something grand and show-stopping though; that only came once in a blue moon. Well, he only let it come every once in awhile. If he did it too often than it would lose all of the punch that he loved. He couldn't afford that.

Even with that stipulation though it had been quite awhile since he had done anything worthwhile. He wasn't actually sure why he wanted to start something now but he couldn't deny the plan he had been able to cook up.

Being able to bring Red John out to play with the rest of the world, especially those whose job it was to find people like him, was always fun. Watching them run around like chickens with their heads cut off was one of the best things to him. Mostly because he was well aware that it was their own faults for it all.

If they weren't so uneducated than they would have easily been able to keep up with him. How did they expect to catch people like him if never bothered to pick up a book? It wasn't as if the knowledge wasn't out there for them to find.

That was the thing that made him angry the most. He was only as good as he was because he had spent so much of his life cultivating the knowledge and skills that he had. They weren't handed to him by any means. He learned.

That was the second reason that he didn't do grand things with Red John. There was no real point in starting a game if he knew that the only one truly playing was himself. It was just dull and not worth his time.

Sure he had wormed his way into anything and everything that caught his eyes but there was little to no fight in it. All that ever did was make sure that his skills stayed sharp. That didn't mean that there was a challenge to any of it though.

That was the story of his life. He had never really found anyone that could keep up with him. At first he had thought that he had found that person in his wife. They had grown up together and he had thought that she was like him.

To say that he had fallen hard for her would have been an understatement. He had loved her with everything that he was. He would have bent the world in half if it meant that she was happy, but slowly her true self began to trickle through.

He had felt his heart break when he had figured out that the person he loved didn't exist. All the things that he used to dream up for them and their daughter were ripped away leaving him feeling lost for the first time in his life.

Maybe he had reacted a little harshly, but at the time killing her had seemed like the only option. He did not like being lied to by someone that was meant to be his equal. Not that he actually cared about it in the end. She meant nothing to him.

If he was honest he didn't regret his choice at all. The only reason he even cared about it now was Charlotte. She had adored her mother when she was alive. He had thought that she was going to kill him herself when she found out what he did. That had nearly destroyed their relationship.

It was pure luck that she loved him as much as she did. If she hadn't than he wouldn't have been able to go on. Losing his wife was one thing, but losing his daughter? He never would have forgiven himself.

The only other person that he had felt equal to was Kimball Cho. The man had been perfect. Of course by perfect he meant practically unreadable. It took a special type of person to be unreadable to him. Add to that the fact he was intelligent, deadly, and sexy as hell and Patrick had fallen hard.

He had truly thought that he and Kimball had a future. He might not have been able to read the younger man like he could others, but it was still easy enough to tell that they both cared deep for each other.

More than that though was the fact that Charlotte loved Kimball. After everything that happened with her mother she was more cautious. The last thing she wanted was for someone to try to replace Angela.

As soon as she had met Kimball she had loved him. Watching the two of them interact had been one of Patrick's favorite things. Knowing that someone loved his little girl as much as he did was the best thing he could have ever felt.

Because of all of that he had thought that they were good. Then one night he came home from work only to find all of the mans things gone. There was no note or indication why he had left. He was simply gone.

The only kind of answers that he was ever able to get came from Charlotte. She said that he had come home a little before Patrick looking as if he was going to cry. She had tried to comfort him and he had said that he loved the both of them with all of his heart. Then he told her that he had to leave to find answers to questions that he had.

None of it made all that much sense to Patrick, but he knew that it was probably because it made no sense to Charlotte. Out of everything she had told him the only thing she seemed firm on was the fact that Kimball would be back. She had yet to lose that hope though she hadn't seen him in years.

A part of Patrick wanted nothing more than to track the man down and make him pay for putting Charlotte through that, putting him through that, pain only to give them false hope that some day things might go back to how they used to be.

As much as he hated to admit it, even to himself, a small part of him did hope that Kimball returned one day. The idea of finally having him back in his life was one that kept him sane though he doubted that it would ever happened.

That wasn't something he was used to. Dreaming about things that were never going to come to pass was for children and idiots. He was neither. Kimball made him want to believe that he could get the man back. Even if it was only for a moment.

Despite everything that had happened he was still very much in love with Kimball Cho. He was the one person in the world that he truly felt at peace with. They were equals in every way that he could think of.

That and that alone was the only reason that Patrick hadn't gone after the man for hurting them. If it had been anyone else he would have gladly killed them without a second thought. Kimball was the only one that was worth letting go.

Shaking his head Patrick pushed those thoughts away. He had work to do and his thoughts of Kimball Cho already took up too much of his time on a normal basis. He couldn't let thoughts of the man interfere with his work.

If he was right one Teresa Lisbon would be pulling up with her team and the fun would begin. He wasn't exactly sure why he had chosen them to be part of the game, but it wasn't as if it mattered. No one was going to get out alive in the end.

Not that that was what he was looking for. No, all he wanted was to have a little fun with some play things and Lisbon did have a nice list of issues that he could exploit. Maybe he should have looked up all of the team, but he was focused on going after her. The rest didn't matter.

It also added a rather nice element. The plan to go after her was already in motion, but having three other people would add a little mystery to the game. There was no use in knowing all of the facts it wasn't as if they would win.

Taking the last drink of his tea Patrick watched as the cars pulled up and people started to climb out. As they came he let his eyes roam over them and dismiss them just as quickly. It was easy to see just how simple minded they all were. The only use they'd serve is hurting Lisbon.

Wondering if maybe he had picked the wrong person to play a game with Patrick started forward ready to begin only to stop short as one last person climbed out of the car. For the first time in his life he felt as if the world stopped spinning.

He couldn't believe what was in front of his eyes. The chances that he had found the one person he truly wanted to see accidentally was so slim. Yet there the man was looking completely at easy as he walked into the crime scene.

All the ideas of anger and hatred that he once held for Kimball seemed to evaporate and all he could remember was how much he had loved the younger man. And he had truly loved him. The time they shared together had been some of his happiest.

Licking at his lips Patrick found himself slowly moving around making sure to stay out of sight. He needed a moment to get his thoughts back in order before he did something to jeopardize all of the hard work he had put in.

Even as he thought that though something in him wanted to rush to the mans side and hold him in his arms once more. Just the idea of feeling Kimball's body pressed against his own had his heart racing in a way it hadn't since the man left.

As soon as he had control over his thoughts once more Patrick knew that he'd be telling himself off for being a sap. That wasn't the type of person that he was. Than again, that was what Kimball had always made him feel.

When they were together he didn't have to be the person people thought he was or even the person _he _thought himself to be. Instead he had the chance to simply be. No thinking things through in twenty different way. He simply could be.

And now the man he had thought he had lost was back. He was only a few feet away. It wouldn't take much to walk up to him and have the man in his arms once more. The idea of simply holding him again was perfect.

When he first started having thoughts like that he had believed it was only because he missed having someone around. They were the same kind of thoughts that he had after he had to kill Angela. At least he had thought they were.

It took longer than he liked to admit to realize that they were different. With his wife he dreamt of the times they had sex together. Their body tangled and sweaty. It was the only time with her that all his thoughts quieted.

With Kimball he had dreams of the most mundane times. Sharing breakfast in the morning an undisturbed silence between them or of them watching television with Charlotte. Those were the times that he missed with the younger man the most.

Shaking his head to get rid of the thoughts Patrick looked back at Kimball taking in the sight of him. It had been awhile since he had last seen the man and he had to admit that he looked good. The air of pose and dignity that he held himself with was something new and it was a good look on him.

Not knowing what was going to happen Patrick slowly started to make his way to the crime scene. He wasn't going to let all his hard work go to waste and if he got to see Kimball once more than so be it. It wasn't as if he could simply walk away now that he had found him. No, he wasn't going to leave anytime soon.


	3. Chapter 3

It's that time again! A new Red John!Patrick x Kimball story is being posted! We got some angst, we go some hurt/comfort, we got some love, and, of course, we got so sex. This is chapter two of three (yeah I added another chapter wanna fight about it?) and I hope you all enjoy it!

TUMBLR INFO: I've had to change my Tumblr account because I got muted. I'm not all that surprised to be fair. Anyway, the name is now SILVERMIDNIGHTWRITE.

If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook 'SilverMidnight52' or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

* * *

With an air of calm that he didn't feel Kimball shut his apartment door behind him and closed his eyes. It had been one of the worst days of his life and he knew that he wasn't even close to exaggerating.

For the past few years he had been in a routine that was rather boring. Even with the fact that he was working for the CBI it was dull. That was the way he liked it. He had already dealt with too much. The idea of adding more was never going to happen.

It was something that both Rigsby and Van Pelt didn't seem to understand. Both of them tried their hardest to get him to join them in whatever it was that they did after work. Unless Lisbon was there as well though he always said no.

It wasn't as if they weren't nice. He genuinely liked the both of them, but he knew that they were looking for something that he never wanted to find again. He was perfectly fine with the idea of spending his time alone.

Maybe that made him a coward in a way. Ever since the night that he walked away from Patrick and Charlotte though he hadn't felt the urge to try to find something else. Kimball was simply done with that part of his life.

At least that's what he had thought. All he had wanted to do was leave that part of his life behind him. It wasn't worth the heartache that always came around whenever he thought about the people he left behind.

Alright so he hadn't fully left it behind. His dreams were filled with him and Patrick curled in bed together his fingers running through curly blond hair while soft yet strong nails traced random patterns in his skin. He always woke up feeling so cold after those dreams.

Then, of course, there were the ones that had him waking up hard and aching for the man. Ones where he was pinned to the bed with teeth scrapping over his skin adding something so sweet as Patrick thrust so deep into him his whole body shook.

A part of Kimball had thought that after all of this time the dreams would have began to fade away. He had understood it when he first left, but it had been years and still every night the blond appeared as soon as his eyes closed.

It was because of that that he had done everything in his power to never think of Patrick when he was awake. He couldn't let the other man overtake his thoughts as well as his dreams. He would never come back from that.

Yet that was exactly what he was doing now. His heart felt as if it was trying to beat out of his chest and he had no idea if it was excitement that was causing it or fear. Something that he had been trying to figure out ever since those piercing blue eyes cut through him that morning.

They looked just as beautiful as they always had. Those eyes had been the thing that grabbed his attention the first time he met Patrick. They were filled with so much intelligence and passion that he had gotten sucked in before he knew it.

That had never happened to him before. Sure he had dated people and had even been in love a few times, but there had been something about the older man that pushed all thought of his previous lovers out the window.

For the longest time that had made him feel good. The idea that he had found someone that he didn't feel the need to explain everything to was something he never thought he'd find. Patrick was the type that always seemed to understand what he meant before he said anything.

That was before he found out that Patrick was Red John. After that he found himself questioning the man and everything that their relationship was. As much as he wanted to believe that it was real he couldn't be certain.

Kimball knew the type of person he was. From being in a gang to being in the Army he had a set of skills that not that many people had. It was easy to believe that the only reason Patrick had gone for him was to use those skills in some way. It wasn't the most pleasant thought, but he was a realist if nothing else. So he left.

A part of him wanted to laugh at that thought. The man that he had been in love with was a serial killer and his first thought was simply that he was being used. There were so many more things that he should be concerned with.

Yet he wasn't and that scared him. Everything that he had ever learned told him that the first thing he should have done was called the police. Patrick was a dangerous criminal that needed to be stopped before he killed again.

There was no doubt in his mind that that would have been the smart and right thing to do for everyone. He had seen first hand just how devastating it was to families when justice wasn't found for the ones that they lost. Once upon a time he had been the person that had to be brought to justice and there was nothing he could ever do to repay what he had done.

Than again what he had done wasn't exactly the same thing. He didn't purposefully go out killing innocent people. He had been in a gang and gangs constantly fought and killed each other. It was just what they did.

It was similar when he was in the Army. He had been in a war zone and people died. Sometimes they were innocent and sometimes they weren't. Lives were lost on both sides. Everyone simply did their best to move on.

That wasn't how it was with Patrick though. As far as Kimball knew he had never been in a position where he _had to _choose to kill someone. He had _wanted to. _That was the difference between the two of them.

At least it was for him. Kimball wasn't delusional enough to believe that many people out there would say that he had done everything he did because he had wanted to. Truthfully, he didn't think too much on it. He had a job to do and he was going to do that job.

He couldn't help but shake his head at that trying to get rid of the thoughts. He was tired of looking at his past. It didn't matter at the moment. What did matter was the fact that he had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do about Patrick.

Just the thought of the older mans name made his heart pound painfully. Not that it was a new sensation. There had always been pain where thoughts of the man had been. Something he knew he was to blame for.

He truly hated himself for that. He wasn't under any delusions that his leaving wouldn't cause pain; he had seen first hand how much it hurt Charlotte. He knew it would be worse with Patrick. What he hadn't expected was how much it would hurt to see the man again.

That wasn't right. He knew that seeing the man would feel like a knife in his heart. He had hoped though that he was never going to see the man again. That was why he had become joined the CBI in the first place. What kind of criminal actively joined the people hunting him down?

He could laugh at how stupid he was. With how smart everyone suspected Red John was and how smart he knew Patrick to be he should have seen it a mile away. He had been avoiding everything the man though. Now he couldn't.

It had been years since he had seen the man and he had wanted to be past all of that. He had wanted to move on with his life. Despite what he had told Charlotte he knew that he was never actually going to go back. He couldn't.

Not when he had no idea how he was supposed to handle everything that had been thrown his way. He couldn't sit there and pretend that he didn't know that Patrick was Red John. Just like the fact he couldn't stop his thoughts from questioning the truth in everything.

That had been on his mind ever since he left. It had helped keep him away. As much as he questioned their time together he did believe he knew Patrick well enough to know how he would react to having Kimball question their relationship.

At least that was what he had told himself. Now that he thought about it though he knew that he was lying to himself. He had no idea how Patrick would react to anything. The man loved being able to confuse people for the sake of it.

He was reminded of that fact as soon as he saw the men. Just one look at him had pulled down all the walls and lies that he had told him up to that point. Patrick had always had a way of stripping him down though.

His mind had gone into overdrive as he thought about all the things he had tried to forget. How the hell was he supposed to be able to do his job when Patrick was going to be right next to him smiling at him with that knowing smile?

Once again Kimball felt like smacking himself. Patrick was right there. The best thing for him to do would have been to inform Lisbon of who he truly was and then let the pieces fall into place. Instead he was thinking about how beautiful the man was.

He knew the saying 'Love makes you do crazy things', but he hadn't thought it would make him ignore the law so completely. Especially for someone as dark and twisted as Red John. Yet that was what he was doing. He was letting his love of Patrick cloud over the fact that he was a murderer.

Falling onto the couch he buried his head in his hands his eyes shut tightly as he attempted to figure out what he was going to do. No matter how hard he tried though the only thing he could think of was how much he wanted the older man. Even for a moment.

"My, my," a low voice started breaking through his thoughts, "You look deep in thought."

"Patrick," Kimball muttered lifting his head slowly only to see the man sitting across the room from him.

"You don't seem surprised to see me."

"I'm not."

A soft smile played on Patrick's lips as he cocked his head to the side his eyes roaming over Kimball's body. The agent had to fight not to show just how much the heated look actually effected him. He needed to keep his cool.

"You really aren't, are you?" Patrick questioned shaking his head.

"Why are you here?" Kimball found himself asking as he watched the other man.

The smile fell from the older mans lips as he moved to rest his elbows on his knees. For a moment he looked just as lost as Kimball felt. It wasn't a look that he had thought he'd ever see on Patrick's face.

"I've been asking myself the same question since I got here," Patrick answered his eyes darting around the floor, "I actually thought that we'd just continue to act as if we didn't know each other."

Kimball couldn't help but flinch at that. Despite the fact that that was exactly what they were doing he felt like he had been slapped. Ignoring Patrick had been one of the hardest things that he had ever had do to, but he felt as if he had to.

They had been standing in the middle of a crime scene of his own making. The urge to tell that the man acting as if he was the victim was actually the killer should have been there, but it didn't even cross his mind.

A voice that sounded surprisingly like Lisbon told him that he might as well turn himself in at that point. He had let the man get away with murder the night that he left and every death since that day was on his head as well.

That thought should have terrified him enough to call his boss and confess everything. He didn't move though. He couldn't bring himself to leave again without talking to the older man. It was doubtful Patrick would let him anyway.

"I'm not sure what you want me to say," Kimball finally said staring at the older man.

"An explanation on why you left would be nice," Patrick offered giving him a tired smirk, "But I'm not sure there's anything that you could say that would make that okay."

"There was nothing _okay _with my reasoning."

"And you're not going to tell me what is was are you? We're going to continue going in this circle until one of us leaves?"

"Why are you here, Patrick?"

For a moment the older man was completely silent his eyes slowly dragging over him before locking onto his own eyes. The look on his face was completely blank as he stood up and made his way over to the couch.

Never breaking eye contact Patrick placed a hand on Kimball's chin and slowly directed him up until he was standing as well. The mans thumb glided over his lower lips before his grip tightened and he was pulled into a gentle kiss.

The sane part of Kimball told him to pull away right then and there and get out before things went too far. He knew that if he stayed than there was no chance of him ever wanting to leave again. That thought scared him as much as it thrilled him.

Without thinking about it Kimball found himself tilting his head to the side as he reached up to thread his fingers through the soft curls. A content hum echoed from Patrick as he tilted the agents head to the side and deepened the kiss.

All the reasons why it was a bad idea seemed to fade away as the kiss grew deeper and more passionate. It was like nothing he had ever experienced before and he was loving every second of having the other man with him.

Letting his hands come to Patrick's shoulders he pushed the jacket from them until the man let go long enough for it to drop to the floor. The soft sound of fabric hitting the ground had Kimball pulling back the reality of what they were doing hitting him.

"We shouldn't do this," Kimball shook his head trying to step back only for a hand to wrap around his wrist keeping him still.

"Why?" Patrick questioned a hint of anger and desperation in his voice, "Why shouldn't we do this?"

In that moment it would have been so easy to say why he had left, but he couldn't. Even as the words echoed loudly in his head he couldn't bring himself to open his mouth and actually say them out loud.

He knew that he should though. If there was one way to stop everything before it started it was telling Patrick that he knew he was Red John. Yet that was the hardest thing for him to even think of doing.

Looking down at the ground he tried to think of something, anything, that would explain why he had left. It wasn't as if he could lie to the man, he'd see through it, and he couldn't bring himself to tell him the truth.

"Patrick," Kimball finally muttered a sigh falling from his lips.

"Why can't you just talk to me, Kimball?" the man asked softly his hand falling to his side limply.

Shaking his head Kimball let his eyes drift up to Patrick's once more his mouth open to tell the man to leave. Then he saw the beautiful blue eyes filled with so much sorrow and he felt all of his self-control snap.

Surging forward he took hold of the older man dragging him down until their lips were pressed together. All the finesse from before was gone as they began to strip each other of their clothes making their way deeper into the agents home.

A few feet outside of the door to the bedroom Patrick backed Kimball into the wall his long, lithe body pressed firmly against his. Hands gripped at every inch of exposed flesh leaving red marks that would surely bruise by morning. Neither of them truly cared.

Feeling a sure hand travel down his side Kimball tossed his head back a loud moan spilling from him as it dug into the flesh of his ass pulling him forward until they were rocking against each other.

Needing to feel more Kimball took hold of the hand and quickly headed into his bedroom. As soon as they were there he pushed Patrick back roughly making he fall onto the bed laying splayed out for him.

Letting his eyes wash over the man before him Kimball couldn't help licking at his lips. The older man looked so tousled in that moment. Patrick wasn't that type of person normally. Even before he looked put together whenever they had sex. He couldn't help but love what he was seeing at the moment though.

The older man looked filthy lying before him. His slightly tanned skin was slicked with sweat while his chest heaved as he tried to get control over his breathing once more. He looked as if he was ready and willing for anything that Kimball wanted.

The sight that caught his attention the most though was his hard length. Patrick was a beautiful man and his cock was no exception. Long and thick just the look of it had Kimball feeling the need to have it in his mouth.

Kneeling on the bed the agent began to press barely there kisses to the long legs slowly climbing up the other mans body letting the taste of his sweat mingle on his tongue with every lick he placed on the skin.

Above him Patrick panted heavily his hand coming to cradle the back of Kimball's head holding on gently as the agent did whatever he pleased. It was a sound that he hadn't thought he'd ever hear again.

It didn't take long before he was at the mans cock. Looking up he saw Patrick watching him his mouth hanging open. Swallowing roughly Kimball reached out taking hold of the length simply feeling the weight in his hand.

"Kimball," Patrick ground out his hand coming to wrap around the agents.

Blinking a few times he looked up at the man. Letting their eyes lock together he straightened up until he was laying fully over him. A hand brushed against the side of his face before he was dragged into another kiss.

Moaning into the kiss he let the older man roll them over so he was laying on the bed. Patrick spread his legs before taking his place between them letting their bodies rub together deliciously. It wasn't enough though.

"Please," Kimball tried thrusting up.

Patrick didn't bother saying anything as he began to nip at his chin his hand moving down to lift his leg to wrap around his waist. Groaning he let himself be moved around until the older man was brushing a slicked finger against his hole.

"It's been so long," Patrick muttered so softly Kimball wasn't sure he heard him.

Before he could question what he said or when he had slicked his finger up Patrick was slowly pushing into his driving all thought from his mind. Digging his nails into the mans back his back arched a whimper falling from his lips.

"Beautiful," Patrick whispered into his ear his teeth tugging at his lobe.

Dark eyes fell closed as a second finger worked its way next to the first. Feeling as if he couldn't breathe Kimball tossed his head back working himself open on the fingers listening to the whispers of encouragement falling from his lover.

It felt so good to have the man stretching him open. It had been so long since he had been in that position. He hadn't been able to bring himself to be with another like this since the night that he left.

"Patrick," he ground out feeling tears of desperation fill his eyes, "More."

"You're not ready," Patrick offered brushing their lips together, "I don't want to hurt you."

Hearing the words fall from his lovers lips Kimball let his eyes slide open so he could stare into the blue eyes that he loved. He didn't know why those words hit them as much as they did, but he felt his heart speed up.

Cupping the back of the older mans head Kimball drug him into a kiss trying to pour everything that he was feeling into it. Patrick let him take control of the kiss simply letting him take and give all that he wanted.

Kimball felt as if everything was falling into place as they kissed. All the thoughts and questions that he had before faded away replaced with the love that he could feel radiating from the man as he pushed a third finger into him.

"I love you," the agent offered pulling back to stare into Patrick's eyes.

A genuine, happy smile spread over the older mans face as he lent down to kiss him so gently it felt as if the air from his lungs was being pulled from him. This was the man that he had fallen for. The one that knew exactly what he needed before he ever said a word.

"And I love you," Patrick replied pulling back and slipping his fingers out of him.

Watching as the older man lined up ready to push into him Kimball reached out to grip his hips stopping him before he could. Patrick stared at him in a hurt confusion before he pulled back so he was sitting on his knees.

"Kimball?" Patrick questioned softly.

"I left because you're Red John," Kimball admitted knowing he couldn't go further without the man knowing the truth.

Patrick seemed to completely freeze at that. He had never seen the man look so off guard before and a part of Kimball hated that he was the one that put that look on his face. He was tired of hiding from that truth though.

"I..." Patrick tried to start only for his voice to trail off weakly.

"I knew that you were hiding something," Kimball explained running a hand over his face, "I followed you and saw you killing that man. I didn't know what to do."

"You left so you didn't have to face it."

Patrick sounded so put out when he spoke that Kimball reached forward to link their fingers together. Blue eye blinked slowly staring at their hands before looking up inquisitively staring into his own.

"I don't understand," Patrick shook his head, "Why didn't you turn me in or tell anyone back then? Why didn't you do that today?"

"Because I love you," Kimball explained brushing his thumb across the mans knuckles, "I know what I was supposed to do and what I should have done that night, but every time I thought of it my mind went to you and Charlotte. It's wrong and I know it. I'm wrong, but I can't turn you in and I don't think I can walk away from you again either."

Patrick stared at him for a moment his head cocked to the side as if he was trying to understand everything that Kimball had just said. A small but brilliant smile took over his face a moment later before he laughed gently.

"I love you, Kimball," Patrick stated before moving so his length was brushing against his hole their hands staying linked.

Kimball opened his mouth to reply only for the man to push his way into him. Moaning loudly he tossed his head back tightening his grip on the mans hand. He had forgotten just how much he loved the feeling of Patrick filling him.

Every thrust was slow and deep pushing him high before he could even gain control over the feeling. He wasn't going to be able to last, but for some reason he found that he didn't mind all that much.

Reaching out he tangled his free hand in the bedspread holding on tightly as his lover gripped his thigh lifting it up and driving himself deeper with each movement. The feeling was too much after going without for so long.

"Patrick!" Kimball screamed out as he fell over the edge spilling between them his body shaking.

A low groan fell from Patrick as he started to move quicker chasing his own high. It was a blissful feeling as the agent laid limply on the bed letting the older man do whatever he needed to get that feeling.

Feeling the mans breaths puff over his neck he wrapped his arms around his body gently tracing patterns over his back. Kimball had never felt so content to lay there simply feeling everything that his lover was doing.

Gasping loudly Patrick buried his head in Kimball's neck as his whole body stiffened. Pressing a loving kiss to the side of the mans head the younger man took all of his weight and rolled them to their sides as he came down from his high.

For a moment both of them laid their getting control over themselves. It was the most peaceful either of them had felt in so long. In that moment Kimball knew that he hadn't been lying. He wouldn't be able to walk away from the older man again. No matter what he did.

"Shh," Patrick muttered pulling back far enough to stare into his eyes, "You're thinking too hard about that."

"How can I not?" Kimball questioned shaking his head, "I can't pretend I don't know who you are."

"You know me more than anyone else ever has. It's okay though. You don't have to know everything that happens with that side of me."

Blinking a few times Kimball thought about that offer. He knew that it would be for the best if he agreed to that. He could go on with their relationship letting that part be something that neither of them spoke of.

As soon as he thought that though he shook his head. That wouldn't be fair to either of them and he knew that if they went down that path it wouldn't be long before he was questioning what was going on.

"If I'm going to be with you, Patrick," Kimball offered after a pregnant pause, "I need to be with you."

"You don't have to be a part of that world," the older man tried running his fingers over the agents side, "I would never make you be a part of that."

"I know. I don't know what is going to happen, but I know I don't feel alive if I'm not with you. We'll just how to go forward and see where this leads us."

"Are you sure?"

"No, but I'm willing."


End file.
